I'm a Chuck Norris fan and I got these from
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/ . Here are some of my favorites:
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.
Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris. (YAY)
The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.
Chuck Norris once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Chuck Norris. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Mr. T pities the fool. Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.
"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a ten dollar bill into 200 nickels.
Chuck Norris stared evil in the face, and it backed down
Chuck Norris IS RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!! (hee hee)
